On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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