I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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