you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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