he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
