I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
