I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
