Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
