boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
