I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
