By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
