So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
