2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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