is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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