i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
