It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
