4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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