we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
