i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
