Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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