wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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