we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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