my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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