I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
