You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is it because I queefed?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
