sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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