Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
