I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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