Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
