she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
