I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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