i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
