i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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