i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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