Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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