i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
