Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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