He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
