Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
