Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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