OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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