You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
