he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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