he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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