My first STD was from a foam party
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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