Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
