Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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