I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no you cant smoke seaweed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
