Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
