i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
