I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
